Christians Do It Better

By Laura Milligan

No matter what your religion or spiritual background is, it can be a challenge to detach yourself from busy work schedules, materialistic ideals and unhealthy habits that damage your romantic relationship. If you’re looking for a way to get closer to your partner, consider embarking on a kind of spiritual path to enlightenment, more romance, and a more solid relationship. In this list, we cover all types of spiritual activities and philosophies that can bring you closer together.

Socially

Being spiritual doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. Through volunteer programs, retreats and spiritual groups, you and your partner can enjoy the best of both worlds.

1. Volunteer: Spending time together to work for a cause affirms your beliefs in a certain issue and builds respect for each other’s character.
2. Do little things for others: You don’t have to participate in a major volunteering event: pick up your elderly neighbor’s newspaper each day or help a stranger locate their lost keys in the parking lot.
3. Take care of someone together: Whether it’s a sick parent or you’re just babysitting a young niece or nephew, taking care of someone together allows you to indirectly affirm your values and will make you feel like a team.
4. Go on a retreat: Sometimes, it may be easier for you to share your feelings about spirituality and religion by talking to a group, not just your partner. Church-sponsored retreats and private retreats can be a good opportunity for opening up.
5. Visit different religious centers: If you and your partner haven’t decided on one single religion, make a point to visit different churches, temples and centers. You can evaluate each one after your visit, which will let you explore your own spirituality while centering on a place to go each week.
6. Join a small spiritual group: Small prayer groups or meditation groups allow for more intimate spiritual growth but without the pressure of talking about your feelings one on one with your partner.
7. Spend time with couples you want to emulate: Their good behavior may rub off on you, and you’ll be inspired to treat each other with the same respect as your friends.
8. Spend time with family: Spending time with each other’s family helps you understand your partner more fundamentally, including cultural differences and their religious background.
9. Celebrate each other: Show each other off by throwing your partner a birthday party or inviting friends over for a Super Bowl BBQ. This public display of admiration shows that you are proud of each other and your relationship.
10. PDA: Sloppy make-out sessions while you wait for a table at your favorite restaurant are pretty tacky, but simple hand holding isn’t. Affirm your relationship with G-rated PDA.

Things to Do as a Couple

When you want to spend time alone as a couple, try out one of these exercises or activities that build up your trust, spirituality and romantic side.

11. Go on a pilgrimage: You don’t have to travel to Mecca or Lourdes for your pilgrimage, but visiting a spot that makes both of you feel connected and inspired can help your relationship. It can be anything from a best friend’s grave to the coastline.
12. Meditate: Meditation has been known to promote spiritual and personal growth.
13. Pray: Religious couples can pray together to indirectly share with each other feelings and concerns, build trust, and make you feel proactive about getting help for a problem or issue that concerns you both.
14. Get closer physically: Besides having many health benefits, physical touch can ease stress and make couples feel more connected.
15. Start up a routine: Whether it’s date night, a weekly cooking session or just doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, come up with a simple routine that keeps you connected and grounded amidst a chaotic week.
16. Have sex: Depending on your religious views, having sex can be a way to emotionally connect to your partner. Spiritual sex or tantric sex takes it to the next level.
17. Experience nature: Experiencing nature is often associated with spiritual growth and allows you a chance to forget about all of the stresses and distractions of your life while concentrating on more elemental things.
18. Talk about your spirituality: One of the most basic, but sometimes most challenging, ways to become more spiritually connected to your partner is to talk about it. If you get embarrassed or uncomfortable easily, start slow and keep the discussion light.
19. Pencil in time for yourselves: If you’re spending all of your free time at social prayer groups or out with friends, you need to pencil in time to reconnect and spend time together…alone.
20. Try something new: Doing something both of you have never done before brings you together for the sake of planning for and achieving your new goal, whether it’s going on a backpacking trip or taking dancing lessons.

Things to Do Individually

The following tips focus on how you can strengthen your relationship by understanding your own needs and fostering your own spiritual growth.

21. Take a time out before a fight: When you feel tense, protect your relationship against a fight by taking a time out and opting to finish the discussion later, when you’re less emotional.
22. Take a break for yourself: If you and your partner are always together, duck out to the grocery store by yourself or take a walk alone to prioritize your feelings and goals for the relationship and for your spiritual growth.
23. Consider your spirituality as an individual: If you’re trying to become more spiritual just for the sake of your partner, your own journey probably won’t get very far. Concentrate on your own goals as well.
24. Become more spiritual for you: Before deciding to go to church or embarking on a spiritual retreat, consider your private relationship with God or the philosophy you believe in, not just you and your partner’s shared beliefs.
25. Become more spiritual for your relationship: At the same time, understand how becoming more spiritual affects your relationship. Don’t do it just because you think it will help: really consider how each religious practice or meditative exercise directly impacts your relationship.
26. Don’t sacrifice your needs: A quick and easy way to damage a relationship is to completely forget about your needs and focus only on your partner. Be a little selfish by sharing your feelings and being honest, which lets you grow together and lets you avoid resentment.
27. Don’t dwell on the negative: Focusing on the negative instead of the little achievements will keep you from reaching your full spiritual potential and can bring down your partner’s mood too.
28. Consider the feelings of you partner: Just because you think you understand your partner’s feelings and background, doesn’t mean you really do. Consider that he or she may be afraid or embarrassed to share everything with you, so don’t make rash judgments or feel too complacent in your spiritual journey.
29. Remember your own goals and dreams: Neglecting to pursue your own dreams in order to spend more time with your partner may just make you resent him or her later on.
30. Resist rigidity: If you held on to certain rules before you met your partner and have found yourself falling in love despite religious differences, don’t throw the relationship out the window. Find out what you have in common and how you can grow together.

Lifestyle Changes

For more drastic improvements to your relationships and your growth as a couple, consider one or several of these lifestyle changes.

31. Vegan: Generally, vegans promote a green, sustainable lifestyle. Becoming an advocate against animal products can give you and your partner a greater cause to fight for.
32. Yoga: Yoga is of course an excellent way to work out and boost your overall health, but a yoga lifestyle can make you more centered, focused and stress-free, which benefit your relationships.
33. Abstinence: Temporary abstinence or abstaining from sex until marriage can keep you and your partner focused on your emotional and spiritual connection, rather than the physical one.
34. Drive one car: By driving one car, you’ll help the environment, your wallet and your health, but you’ll also be more likely to share rides and spend more time together.
35. Adopt a holistic lifestyle: Those who practice a holistic lifestyle give equal attention to the health and development of their physical, mental and spiritual sides.
36. Become more organic: Purifying your body also purifies your mind and can help you sync up with nature. Paying attention to health and ethical food preparation channels your focus to personal betterment and spiritual growth.
37. Limit or cut out alcohol and drugs: Cut out chemicals and instances that can heighten tension or make you feel aggressive, making you say and do things you normally wouldn’t.
38. Be exclusive: One of the simplest ways to connect to your partner spiritually is to become exclusive. Stop dating and sleeping around, and you’ll instantly become more intimate.
39. Become optimistic: Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, and your personal development will get a boost.
40. Listen more: By listening more, you’ll be more engaged in your partner’s spiritual journey and may become open to new methods and ideas you hadn’t thought of before.

Helping Each Other Out

The following list includes ideas that aim to promote feelings of support, encouragement and connection between you and your partner.

41. Offer to share responsibility: Offer to take a certain task off of your partner’s hands, and they’ll be grateful for your selflessness.
42. Back each other up: Be your partner’s support system by defending them in an argument or encouraging them to pursue a new dream.
43. Stop skipping out on events that are important to your partner: If you normally sit on the couch watching TV while your partner goes to the movies or attends a work event, make a point to spend extra time together by accompanying your partner the next time he or she goes out.
44. Meet up for lunch or happy hour: If you live together, you may have gotten lazy about meeting up during the day. Schedule a lunch once a month or meet for happy hour each Friday to spend time together in a different environment.
45. Go on a date: Another way live-in couples get lazy is date night. Pick a night every once in a while to make a reservation, buy movie tickets in advance, or just get dressed up before going to your favorite hang out. Making time for special dates keeps romance alive and helps you appreciate your partner more.
46. Turn the TV off during dinner: Make dinner a time for you two to reconnect, talk about your day, and continue your path to spiritual and relationship growth.
47. Don’t take one another for granted: If your partner folds your laundry everyday or is always there when you don’t have plans on the weekend, it may be easy to take them for granted. Appreciate the little things they do for you and challenge yourself to return the favors.
48. Stop resenting your partner for your setbacks: Despite your best efforts to become more enlightened, you may not feel any differently right away. Don’t hold this against your partner.
49. Value the little things: Don’t think of it as lowering your expectations: noticing and valuing little things like when your partner leaves you a note or opens the car door for you keeps you grounded and more involved in the everyday.
50. Fight for your relationship: Make a pact with your partner to always fight for your relationship. Calling it quits after one or two fights damages, if not ruins, your spiritual connection.

Therapy

From visiting a therapist or religious counselor to being more fearless and setting future goals, these ideas will walk (and talk) you through your journey.

51. Consider therapy as a preventative practice: By going to regularly therapy sessions, you’ll have time carved out to talk about your feelings no matter what.
52. Visit a spiritual or religious counselor: An easy way to seek spiritual guidance is to seek counsel from an expert.
53. Imago: This idea of relationship therapy focuses on building up passion, trust and real connections.
54. Keep the mystery alive: Becoming spiritually connected means sharing a lot of yourself, but keeping the mystery alive keeps you both engaged in each other’s lives.
55. Be more fearless: By taking chances, you’ll feel connected when your adrenaline rises and through experiencing new things together.
56. Set goals: Be clear about what you relationship to be, and you’ll be more likely to get there together.
57. Plan for the future: Planning for the future reaffirms the fact that you both actually want to be together in the future, whether you plan on having children or just taking a vacation the next year.
58. Get a pet: Sharing responsibility for something that’s totally dependent on the two of you makes you both step to the plate, alternate clean up and maintenance duties, and make important decisions together.
59. Don’t go to bed fighting: The old relationship tip "don’t go to bed angry" can be a good idea, but staying up late arguing until you resolve the fight isn’t always the answer. Make a pact to put the fight on hold until you’re less emotional and can think more clearly.
60. Learn how to forgive: Forgiving your partner and yourself for fights or even forgotten birthdays helps you stop dwelling on the past and makes it easier to move forward.

How to Work Through Time Apart

Whether it’s a long distance relationship or you’re struggling to grow together when one person is out of town for a while, consider these tips.

61. Leave messages for your partner: Text messages and notes sneaked into suitcases maintain your spiritual, emotional and supportive presence even if you can’t be together physically.
62. Understand your relationship in a greater context: If you only understand your relationship as it works when you’re physically connected, you won’t be able to sustain the relationship at all. Instead, understand how your relationship fits in with a greater purpose, whether it’s personally, spiritually, or being in sync with nature.
63. Trust each other: Mistrust and paranoid phone calls to check up on your partner keep you from moving forward. Learn to trust your partner to be faithful even when he or she is away.
64. Make the most of technology: Make the most of e-mail, Skype and other technologies that make it easier for you to stay connected and even see each other during business trips or separations.
65. Say "I love you" more often: Since you can’t share kisses or hold hands, saying "I love you" more often will get the message across.
66. Schedule visits and phone calls: If you’re having to live apart for an extended amount of time, schedule visits and make regular phone calls so that you continue to make contact and keep track of each other’s spiritual progress.
67. Have other friends: Putting too much pressure on your relationship is unhealthy. Satisfy your need for social interaction by going out with friends and family.
68. Make sure each person’s needs are met: By setting standards for seeing each other and outlining the ground rules of a long distance relationship, you can make sure that each person’s needs are met.
69. Pray together on the phone: No matter what religion you are, you can keep your spiritual growth alive by praying or discussing your spiritual journey for a few minutes on the phone.
70. Keep your eyes on the prize: When you’re feeling lonely, jealous, or just frustrated because of a long distance relationship, try to pump yourself up by remembering the end goal. If your relationship is worth it, you’ll both be a lot stronger after the separation.

Advice for New Couples

New couples don’t have to shy away from talks about religion and spirituality when they consider the following ideas.

71. Don’t rush it: New couples have a lot to talk about, and you don’t need to rush heady discussions about how you want to connect spiritually. Instead, have fun exploring how each of you views your own spirituality.
72. Don’t force it: If the relationship progresses, your discussion about spirituality and religion will eventually follow. Let it come naturally.
73. Make it fun: Make religious and spiritual issues more fun by going to a youth event or concert.
74. Keep it light: On a first date, you might scare off your partner by defining your religion and asking him or her to do the same, on the spot. Introduce the topic by gently asking how he or she feels about an issue or about religion in general. If you really want to know how they feel, vs. how you want them to feel, they’ll be more likely to open up.
75. Don’t be discouraged by little fights: Even couples who rarely fight have disagreements from time to time. This doesn’t mean that you’re not made for each other; instead, consider little squabbles to mean that you’re both being honest with each other instead of hiding your true feelings for the sake of peace and quiet.
76. Ask questions: If the relationship is new, both of you may feel funny about volunteering information about your spiritual or religious background. Ask the right questions to bring up the topic.
77. Don’t be quick to judge: You probably have no idea about the specific kind of background your partner has, so don’t be quick to judge their religious views, especially if they don’t match your own. You may find that the two of you are closer than you think.
78. Maintain a balance: Early in the relationship, it’s easy to get carried away with intense conversations and a lot of passion. Be sure to maintain a balance; otherwise, you’ll burn out too quickly.
79. Be honest: If you pledge to always be honest with each other early on in the relationship, you’ll be more likely to open up and trust each other.
80. Experiment with different types of spiritual activities: Find out what methods work best for you and your partner by mixing it up: go on a retreat, meditate together, and hang out with other spiritual couples.

Advice for Long-term Couples

Even if you’ve been together for a long time, you and your partner will benefit from a revaluation of your personal goals and your connection as a couple.

81. Make a point to continuously surprise each other: Even if you’ve been together for decades, there are probably a few things about yourself that might surprise your partner. Let these things go to keep the process of connecting alive.
82. Don’t settle into the same habits: Constantly challenge yourselves to try new things and keep on the path to spiritual awakening.
83. Take a vacation: Vacations are a great way to instantly spice up your sexual routine and bring you closer together emotionally.
84. Return to your roots: If you’re feeling like you’ve strayed from where you wanted to end up, think about the goals you set when you first started dating to give you more perspective.
85. Evaluate how far you’ve come: Even if you haven’t made it to your end point after all those years, you can still wonder how far you’ve come.
86. Consider your future goals as a couple: If you’re feeling stuck in a rut and like you’ve already lived your life, start planning even more goals for yourself, from the physical to the spiritual.
87. Keep each other accountable: If you notice a major change in your partner’s habits and attitude towards spirituality or religion, don’t be afraid to ask them about it. They may need someone like you keep them on track, and talking about the change will keep you on the same page.
88. Mentor a younger couple: By mentoring a younger couple, you’ll end up re-exploring your own spirituality and relationship growth.
89. Ask for help: If you’re used to depending on each other for spiritual guidance and support but are feeling frustrated or stuck in a rut, ask for help from a trusted friend, family member, or religious leader.
90. Remember why you fell in love: Taking a moment to think of all the reasons you originally were attracted to or wanted to be with a person can be a grounding reminder and can help you have more patience and kindness towards your partner.

Spiritual Resources and Sites to Visit

Visit these websites to learn about spiritual exploration and discussing religion with your partner.

91. Yoga.com: Learn about yoga positions, the benefits of yoga, yoga accessories and yoga and spirituality here.
92. Relationship Tips and Communication Tools: This blog is all about open communication and tips for couples who want to grow together.
93. An Ideal Husband: Maureen Dowd’s popular interview with a Catholic priest dispenses the traits to look for in a partner before settling down.
94. WorshipQuest.org: Search the National Church Directory for over 70,000 Christian churches, Jewish temples, and more.
95. BuddhaNet: This is the site for the "worldwide Buddhist information and education network," and a great resource for experienced Buddhists and those who are new to the religion.
96. SpiritHome.com: This Christian directory of terms and concepts can serve as a reference point for those questioning their spirituality.
97. All About God: Get scientific and philosophical answers to the question "Does God exist?" and learn about evangelism, the Bible, cults and other spiritual issues here.
98. Mixed Religion Relationships: This article uncovers myths and stereotypes of people in mixed religion relationships.
99. 10 Questions Jewish Partners in Interfaith Couples Ask: Jewish partners wanting to discuss spirituality with their partners, marry in a traditional ceremony, raise their kids to be Jewish and understand interfaith culture can benefit from this site.
100. Busted Halo: Busted Halo is "an online magazine for spiritual seekers in their 20s and 30s," and it’s full of articles, blog posts, faith guides, conferences and events, and more.

If you enjoyed this article, please bookmark it at del.icio.us »